Breaking the Cycle Is Not About Staying Calm—It’s About Emotional Safety (Mothers who heal)
- xercessoulhealing
- Apr 25
- 3 min read
So many women believe they’re breaking the cycle because they don’t yell. Because they stay calm. Because they don’t parent the way their mothers did. But staying calm isn’t the same as being connected. And emotional safety cannot be faked with composure.
In fact, for many women—especially those raised in emotionally unavailable or chaotic homes—“calm” becomes a mask. A mask for disconnection. For survival. For shutting down what feels too big to hold.
What Calm Really Looks Like in Survival
You’re in the room. You’re speaking gently. You’re doing all the things you read about in the books.
But inside? You’re holding your breath. You’re bracing. You’re trying so hard not to lose control that you’ve disconnected from yourself entirely. Your child doesn’t see rage. But they also don’t feel you.
Because your nervous system is not regulated—it’s frozen.
This is what no one tells you:You can look peaceful on the outside while being completely dysregulated on the inside. And your child, even in the womb, can feel that. They don’t just respond to tone.They respond to tension. To the unspoken. To the energy your body is carrying beneath your words.
Pregnancy Is Not Too Soon
If you’re pregnant and reading this, you may be thinking—“I won’t do that. I’ll never disconnect from my baby.” You may feel so much love already. So much determination to do things differently.
But pause. How do you respond when something doesn’t go your way? When you receive unexpected news? When someone doesn’t hear you, or honor your plan, or meet your needs?
Notice what happens in your body.
Do you feel a pit in your stomach?
Do you shut down?
Do you want to retreat, withdraw, protect yourself?
That’s survival. And your body is already practicing motherhood—right now.
Because birth will require surrender. Postpartum will require softness. And motherhood will require presence in the face of what feels out of your control. You cannot plan your way into trust. You must practice it. Now is the time to begin. As Mothers who heal.
Postpartum Is When It All Rises
If you’re already in motherhood, you’ve felt it. The wave that crashes when your child is crying and you can’t soothe them. The sudden rush of irritation you didn’t expect. The shame that creeps in after a moment of withdrawal. You didn’t yell. You didn’t say anything harmful.
But your body left the moment. And your child felt it. This is the cycle you’re here to break. Not the yelling. The absence. The survival. And here’s the truth most mothers never hear:
Breaking the cycle is not about how quiet you are. It’s about how safe your child feels to be fully alive in your presence.
What Emotional Safety Actually Looks Like
Emotional safety is not about staying composed. It’s about staying open. It’s being able to feel your own emotions without running from them.It’s being able to stay grounded when your child is dysregulated. It’s the ability to stay connected—to yourself and your child—when things feel hard.
It’s not perfection. It’s presence. This is nervous system work. This is emotional healing. This is what most birth prep and postpartum plans overlook entirely.
The Invitation (You Don’t Have to Do It Alone)
You’ve likely carried so much on your own. Figured things out. Managed your feelings. Held it together when no one else did.
But this work? It isn’t meant to be done alone.
Because the wound you’re healing is the wound of being unseen, unsupported, unheld. And the antidote to that is not more self-reliance. It’s co-regulation. It’s sacred support. It’s being guided by someone who sees beyond your patterns and leads you back to the deeper truth of who you are. You were never meant to just survive motherhood. You were meant to be reborn through it.
This Is the Work
This is the work I guide you through. Whether you are pregnant, postpartum, or somewhere in between, this is the foundation:
→ Emotional healing that doesn’t bypass the body → Nervous system safety that starts now, not in labor
→ Trust that is felt, not just thought
→ Presence that lives beyond the surface of your calm
You are not broken. You are thawing.And you are more ready than you know.
Start your journey now:
Explore the Sacred Reflections Workbook ➤ www.divinemotherhood.org/workbook
Watch the Back to Body Workshop ➤ www.divinemotherhood.org/connect
Reach out about 1:1 Mentorship if you desire sacred guidance and healing. ➤ www.divinemotherhood.org/mentorship
This is not just for your child. This is for you.
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