I Never Wanted to Have Children

Every stage of my life I’ve accepted my transition

I never wanted to have any children and here I am today, enjoying motherhood with grace

But before this motherhood journey, and before my pregnancy journey, I was a woman

A woman who was on a journey of loving herself, healing her womb, healing sexual trauma and figuring out the best way to show up fully in my truth

To love myself and my husband openly 

I focused heavily on sensual healing for a little over a year.

Healing generational trauma

Healing my womb

Healing my heart

While also experiencing my life from this new healed phase of my life

Which led me to becoming a mother

And I had two choices:

To deny the experience and be upset that it was happening to me when it did (and for a little bit, I did stay in that energy… long story short it was miserable)

OR

To recognize that I STILL had the power to create and make my pregnancy journey something Ill always be grateful for

Because regardless of the circumstance it’s still MY life, MY reality and I have to live it day in and day out

And if it wasn’t for the work I did prior to pregnancy, I think my journey would’ve been really tough

So, I used what I knew

Got a therapist, reiki healer, massage therapist, astrologist, chiropractor, doula, AND I put my own practices that I taught other women for myself

With all of this being said, I will say my journey wasn’t without challenges, it wasn’t without pain (emotion, physical, and mental) BUT what I learned to do, was reframe

Reframe my thoughts and feelings around pain and ACCEPTED it fully as an experience, a flow that was temporary and had a lesson for me each time

Even when my body experienced discomfort I honored it, breathed through it and thanked my body for healthily opening up to carry my daughter

I reframed my whole experience so that it SERVED ME.

And guess what, that mindset and way of living and being has carried into my post partum journey

I know everyone’s circumstances aren’t like mine. I’m beyond grateful for my life and my experience and I truly show up in a space of teaching and guiding other women to be able to experience that same love and abundance within their own experiences

If I’m going to live this life I’m going to love it. I’m

Going to go all in for me

Because the one thing i can say is the narrative lived before my healing was dictated by experiences I felt I had no control over and to an extent I didn’t

But once I recognize the power of healing and rewriting my journey, I took the lead

I leaned INTO the discomfort and I faced a lot of my fears head on

I’m still doing this but now with more awareness to not fear challenges or pain

I share this long post because I want you to know that I practice what I preach

I have been for years and if there’s ever a time I don’t, i learn, apologize, and grow from it

But I’m telling you, if you choose to work with me on this journey, I can guarantee that your life will change for the better and so will your child’s

Because mine has and Xyla is a complete product of unconditional love and healing from both myself and her father

Thank you for reading this