I find the mothers I work with hold resistance in forgiving their mothers not because they wouldn’t like to, but because they FEEL that their mothers didn’t feel bad for the way they treated them.
Why?
Because she was angry … often.
Her default energy and emotion was anger.
Frustration turned into anger.
And the anger was a projection of her own inner chaos and need for support, love, and nurture.
The crazy thing is, when you think about forgiveness, you’re not going to allow that other person to do that again regardless if you forgive them or not.
But what forgiveness does give YOU, is the understanding that what happened to you, wasn’t meant for you. What happened to you, was that reflection of the pain experienced by someone else. And no it was never fair.
There’s not much fair about being raised by emotionally unavailable parents who choose anger to protect themselves when they’re overwhelmed If you choose to see your experience through the lens of forgiveness, you reclaim your power from that situation in understanding you weren’t deserving of the pain and you will choose to love the parts of yourself that once felt unlovable.
You will take the responsibility and accountability to know the parts of you that triggered your parents because of the limited emotional capacity they carried that was never your burden to have in the first place.
Forgiveness is permission to love what once felt unlovable.
It takes courage, acknowledging the pain, and choosing to evolve that pain into power.